WTG: Bad Karma

Today was altogether shit.

You know these days right?

Please, for the love of GOD will you just go and buy one.

So all I wanted to do was sit on my train and not have to worry about WTG’s issues and banal questions about iPhones and iPads – he still hasn’t got one but he talks dreamily about owning one and asks me about all that stuff practically every day as if I am some sort of over enthusiastic Apple employee.

Which I’m not.

It’s tiresome, so much so that I almost considered deploying an avoidance tactic today, but I just didn’t have the heart so I suffered his inane waffle instead but I really just wanted some headspace for myself instead of all his bullshit.

He started telling me that he was really close to missing the train home today (I pray for small mercies) as he had to go and get some carrots.

Yeah for real, this is the kind of shit I am subjected to.

Daily.

So yes apparently when he left his house this morning he noted that he didn’t have many carrots left for the dogs (huh?) so had to go and get some in Canterbury before getting the train.

Carrots? for dogs?

I didn’t know dogs need carrots to survive, I said, while really, actually not giving a flying toss either way.

Oh yeah he says, they eat carrot, broccoli, potatoes.. He had this really weird, childish way of saying potatoes I noticed, ‘tay-toes’. They also apparently eat swedes and turnips as well.

 

Truly gripping stuff as I am sure you will agree. He then went on to tell me about when he takes the dogs out on a shoot, when they go around fields and stuff he actually pulls out turnips and pockets them to save money on feeding his dogs.

 

NOTHING surprises me anymore I tell you. He also told me that when he peels tay-toes he just drops the peelings in the dog bowl and the dogs eat it all.

God knows what I did wrong today to deserve a lesson in providing a range of nutritional meals for dogs but there you go.

 

All this went on before we even got on the train, when we did get on finally I sat the other side across the aisle from him and started to look away and out of the window. I turned up my music, nice and deliberately as if crying out for him to shut the fuck up.

He then started going on about iPhones again and how his boss sold one and now has a blackberry, look man I don’t give a FUCK, please shut up.

He then told me that he had some more, extra weekend shooting dates booked, and about some story about how all that transpired, honestly dude I am actually going to strangle you in a minute.

He then said “oh guess who I saw this morning?” I already know who as the MLS Author had already given me the details this morning.

Yes I said, Young Lady, I didn’t say young lady, I used her real name but I told him that I already knew that she was about today and back from then Alps. He then went on and told me the full minutae anyway. Seriously the urge to kill was rising by this point…

We got to the station and yes, finally, another friend rescued me on the way out, WTG did his sprint to the finish line over the bridge and away and I spoke to her for a moment instead, happy Birthday by the way!

I didn’t have my bike with me today (long story) so I had to walk home and as I turned the corner I caught up with WTG and observed him for a second looking at some rubbish that had been dropped on his drive. Instead of just picking it up and binning it like any normal person would, he booted it onto his neighbours drive instead. What an asshole.

 

Karma can be a bitch and your Karmic debt is massive Weird Train Guy, good luck with that in hell…

 

Tomorrow, I’m deploying an avoidance tactic, fuck it.

The O2 Deal

02. According to WTG, it's the best deal.

I saw weird train guy at the station this evening, strangely he was not at his usual spot where he can be precisely where the train doors stop. He must be feeling unwell or something.  He said hello and so did I and then I sat down. We sat in glorious silence for a moment, but it was soon short lived.

“O2” he says.

“Yes?” says me, struggling to cope with the dramatic pause…

Aaaannnd….?

“They seem to have the best deals for an iPhone” says weird train guy.

Wow so now we know then, O2 have the best deals and have cornered the market then I think, knowing how anal WTG can be about such matters, that must be the final answer and I started imagining the board members at O2 high fiving each other at this massive revelation and whooping with joy at having sold 50 bagillion of their best deals…

Weird train guy has been jealous of my iPhone for a while now, and not that I’m a total apple faddist or anything it’s just that the company I work for gave me one and it is probably the best phone I have ever used. What excites WTG is that it has email capability you see and he seems rather obsessed about email although he won’t put his hand in his pocket and just go and buy a PC or something; oh no, WTG has to mull it all over for a couple of decades before actually doing something. Fuck knows who he is going to email mind you, some poor fucker and I assure you that I wont be giving him my email address any time soon!

I have also heard from him all about the relentless fascism that presumably goes on in his office about using email for personal use and he has bored me on the subject in the past and about how he daren’t use it for anything other than work things. The pussy.

Just buy a fucking pc then and get broadband will you!?!?

So he tells me all about this O2 deal and that it costs £10 extra per month for Internet access on top of a £120 per year contract and can he justify the extra £10 to be able to send email and is it worth it or should he go for the Orange deal that gives him this or that, or maybe the Tesco deal or..  – Jesus fucking Christ just go and buy the fucking thing will you, thinks me.

So just as the train pulls into Pluckley station and after a full seven minutes of explaining to me the explicit intricacies of all the major phone providers, which frankly was extraordinarily interesting as you can imagine.

I looked weird train guy in the eye and said, “so what deal are you going to go for then?” expecting a final, decisive and definitive answer…

“well I don’t know, I’m going to have to think about it”

For fucks sake….